If You Don't Know Where You're Going, It Doesn't Matter How You Get There

That's one of those sayings that people attribute to just about everyone -- from Nietzsche to Yogi Berra to my friend Mike. But no matter. The point being, for 50 years, I've wandered the planet directionless. So no destination to guide my choices, I took whatever road lie ahead. Again, one of those oft used, rarely credited quotes, "When you see a fork in the road, take it." And I did. Often.

I've always envied people like my sister, Bonnie and my son Ryan who always knew what they wanted to do from a very young age, and then let nothing stand in their way of achieving it. I know that from the time my sister was very little, she wanted to be a math teacher. I know this because when I was little I stole her diaries and read them, and somewhere in there, in one of the Dear Kitty passages, was the declaration "I want to be a math teacher when I grow up." So at that very moment, I too wanted to be a teacher. For about 20 seconds. But then an actress, and then a flight attendant, 0r "stewardess" as we called them back then. And then I think for a while there was beautician or maybe that was just a ruse to get my grandmother to let me have my way with her thin, blue, curly hair.

And then there is my son. My son Ryan, the product of two people who couldn't set a goal if their life depended on it, decided when he was 6, that he was going to become a filmmaker. Have you ever heard a six year old declare himself to be a filmmaker? It's adorable. And you pat them on the head and say, "that's nice dear." But then you realize, when they are 10 and asking you to sign them up for animation classes at the local art school, or they are 16 and they are the most prolific, writer, producer, editor, of their school film program, and when they are 17 and they are writing producing and staring in a special on the WB called, Getting Real: My Life as a Teen, or winning the TV Production Student of The Year award at Graduation from high school and shipping off to California to go to Film School, that maybe, indeed, this man is going to be a filmmaker.

But THAT, is not my story. That is his. My story begins like this: How does one go from being a homeless, teenage, high school drop out to having a Harvard undergraduate degree, and a master's of science in education, working at a fortune 500 company with a comfortable middle class income living in a comfortable middle class neighborhood with two wonderful kids and a dog?

I don't know.

God I hate the term BUCKET LIST!

It's so over used now. And the movie wasn't that great either. But until I think of a better term, and I'm not feeling all that creative today, it will have to suffice. I'm hoping that I'm a little on the young side to be creating a bucket list. But that's the point. I want to get a head start and possibly a better shot at actually crossing some of these things off the list. I suppose it's a work in progress as I figure out more things I want to do. But hell, you have to start somewhere right?

Sell a screenplay (I have to figure out if this includes having my screenplay actually produced into something, but for now, I'll be happy to sell one)

Make a living as a writer -- I guess this is too broadly defined, but I want to be able to sustain myself solely on the income I make from writing.

Publish/Sell my two books -- obviously in this day and age, publishing does not mean what it used to. These days I can "self publish" and I'm not sure if that's going to satisfy this requirement. Selling a few copies would make it better. :-)

Live in NYC -- I heart NY and must return to my ancestral roots before I die.

Ok, that's the best I can do at 7AM on a work morning. More later.

Whatever happens to a dream deferred?

So it turns out that "whatever happens to a dream deferred," is not just something that angry young black men during the Harlem Renaissance ponder. I think about my deferred dreams a lot. More than a lot. Ok, probably too much. Let's say, somewhere between healthy mulling and unhealthy ruminating depending the time, place, and point of my hormonal cycle.

But this year, this year is different. Because this year, I'm not just thinking about my deferred dreams, but I'm doing something about them - like, trying to fulfilled them specifically. It's a long story about how I got here, and that's all water under the bridge, but the interesting story is going to begin now, as I try to start a new life, a new beginning, at 50.

If I succeed, I'm hoping this blog will inspire others to do the same. If I fail, I'm obviously I'm not planning to fail, but if I do, people will have the "what not to do," right at their fingertips and hopefully someone can use that info and succeed. And no offense, but I'm hoping that's me.

Stay tuned.