A bikini? Really?

I can now be counted with the millions of European women who, by American standards, should NOT be wearing a bikini. Yes in just under two months in this country and countless times participating in the national past time - soaking my body in the public mineral baths (think public pool without the chlorine) - I have come around to their way of thinking. It will take me while to get over what they all have obviously no compulsion to give another thought to: all my cellulite and fat rolls are on display for the world to see. I am, in the immortal words of someone too stoned to care in the sixties, letting it all hang out.

I neither have the language skills nor the chutzpah to ask any of these women who, we in America tend to snicker at on the beach as their bellies seem to be breaking through the little strings that are holding on their tiny patch of triangular fabric (that as far as I can see's only value is hiding a few pubic hairs), what are they thinking?

But I can try to speculate now from my own experience, as I am about to reveal my far less than perfect and pale-ass, body to the world at the hungarian summer spot, Lake Balaton.

First and foremost, I have to say, I appreciate very much having a little of my body as possible wrapped in spandex, the clothing equivalent of saran wrap. Parts of my body are breathing in the fresh air today that have never seen daylight. No really, not since I was a size five, sixteen year-old, have some of these patches of skin gotten to see the great outdoors and of course visa versa. In those days, the less material you wore was directly proportional to your chances of finding a guy. Today this actually has the exact opposite ratio of material to male interest with my current body. But regardless, it is really nice not to be sweating like a pig which has to gain me some points on the public attractiveness scale?

Along those lines, I have to think that there is something really healthy about my potential vitamin D intake today. I can only imagine that while some of these people in itty bitty bikinis may be overweight I'll bet their vitamin d levels are great.

The next benefit I've discovered is navigating the little tiny wc's along the beaches and baths. There is something to be said for the quick in and out with the little bitty bikini bottom!

And let me be clear. I don't for a minute delude myself into thinking that I rock this bikini. After a full day on various and sundry beaches in the 'hungarian inland sea,' I can tell you that there were definitely those among us who did and many of us, myself included, who didn't (some even less than I). And I certainly didn't buy it and wear it because I think I got something to flaunt, because I absolutely don't. But the point is I don't care. I'm not making a statement about my body or even showing it off for that matter. It's just showing, so, get over it.

Tell me the truth, does this country make me look fat?

Since I painted all eastern european women in that stereotypical, androgynous, russian, olympic-wrestler, paint brush, I figured with my recent 30+ pound weight loss i'd be a shoe in for best body at the baths award. It came as oh such a shock the first day in country as I arrived at my new office only find a bevy of the most perfect physical specimens. Instantly, I felt obese again. The same way I felt walking down the streets of Paris; like my size 16 butt was screaming "OBESE AMERICAN TOURIST." But here I was, a size 10, realizing that in Hungarian terms that represented "Large" where by American standards I was just starting to feel good about moving to Medium.

In my six weeks here, I've tried to analyze why it is that these women have the exact opposite ratio of "normal" to "obese" as we have in the states. All of my amateur nutritional ethnographic detective skills seem to be failing me though.

I watch them, every day, eating the most amazing pastries and baked goods for breakfast and snacks. They seem to cook their vegetables to death, removing what we have come to believe are the most important nutritional and fiber values. There are tons of cars and even those who walk mostly take public transportation. And, I'm loath to write this off to genetics BECAUSE I SHARE DNA WITH THIS PEOPLE!
So i give up trying to figure it out.

I've started eating like a hungarian but I've managed to gain two pounds. I walk to work every day, go to the gym every morning (which by the way the Hungarian women think is hysterical), and have forgone any desserts during the week. And yet, I can do nothing more than keep my weight at two pounds over what it was when I stepped foot in this country. Go figure.

In the mean time, I watch my Hungarian peers, eating pokacha every day made with either lard, cheese or potato, down glass after glass of hungarian beer at happy hour, and partake in the most amazing baked goods of all ilk that I have every experienced outside of Paris. Oh well, while my mouth believes when in Hungary do like the Hungarians, my body apparently is not on board.

Observations of Paris (oldie but goodie)

It's very easy to maintain a vegetarian diet in Paris and even easier to abandon one.
You can survive solely on nouns with a few verbs sprinkled in for flavor for an entire week.
French women really don't get fat.
French chefs definitely do not use instant mashed potatoes.
Harcourt Verts actually do taste better, and are not, as I suspected, just green beans with a fancy name to get you to pay more.
It is surrealistic to be sitting in a Parisian restaurant, hearing people speak French all around you, eating French food, drinking French wine, and suddenly realize you are listening to the Eagles Hotel California in the background.
If you buy an all day transportation pass in Paris, it just doesn't matter what bus you get on.
Let's face it, can any American really hear a French police siren without thinking about Inspector Jacques Clouseau.
French women eat croissants du chocolat for breakfast, clean their plates at dinner and are always eating amazing pastries and desserts. Why don't French women get fat?
I have heard a lot of stories about rude French people. I have yet to have any person be rude to me in France. Maybe it's the "Don't blame me, I didn't vote for George W Bush" button that I wear?
If you are lactose intolerant, steer clear of the 3 Fromage sandwich. Trust me on this one.
French women smoke a lot, which could account for why French women don't get fat.
No matter how long you stare at a historical marker written in French the meaning will not magically come to you if you do not speak the language. (I'm going to guess this one is true in any language, but would have to do much more traveling to prove the theory. At this point in time, I've proven it to be true in Japanese, German, Spanish, French, and Egyptian)
If you see a fat woman in Paris, she's probably American. It's probably me.

The denouement

Well Team it was a real Hollywood ending for the Emerson Late Shift and their production of Tea & Thievery.

While Kristen and Sara worked their hardest to get everything edited and the reshots and rerecords, we knew from early on that we were coming down to the wire. Colette, Linda and I did our best to support and do what we could, but the weight of the world was on their shoulders and they held up like champs.

As late afternoon approached, technical issues continued to plague us and caused us to get closer and closer to the 7:30PM deadline for submission. We tried calling a few lifelines but no one could really help us until we decided to call the 48 hour film project hotline where Ben Guaraldi was on the phone, talking us through some of our issues and trying to debug our problem. He also strongly recommended that we finish working IN THE CAR and get our butts down to Lir in case we had even a slim chance of working through our technical problems in time to submit. At 6:00PM we piled into Colette and my car with Sara and Kristen continuing to work as we drove, and was Jessica packed and ready to be taken to the airport for her 9pm flight. On the way downtown, Kristen realized she hadn't had anything to eat all day! So I knew my first job when we got there was to get some food into her before we lost her :-)

By the time we got to Lir, we were almost over one hurdle and ready to move on to the next. At 7:15 (by our computer's time) we began the final process of burning the file onto the flash drive to be turned in. The progress bar on the program reported that we were looking at 13 minutes and we started emotionally preparing for the inevitable late submission that it looked like we were destine for. That is until Ben announced to all in the room, (including several people in our same position) that there was 20 minutes left! Their "official" time was in fact 5 minutes slower than our time.

I quickly took my place on the submission line while the file finished downloading. Once that progress bar disappeared, Kristen quickly ejected it from the computer and Colette ripped it out of the computer and handed it off to me. Our "official" check in time was 7:27! We made it with 3 minutes to spare!

Needless to say, it was a relief to get it in and on time no less. It was truly an incredible sense of accomplishment and of course relief.

Unfortunately there were some compromises we had to make in order to make the "on time" deadline so Jessica's fabulous music that she worked so hard on all weekend didn't get in, some of the footage that we really wanted in also didn't make it, and a few additional edits that Kristen wanted to make had to be bumped off the priority list. And probably most nerve wracking of all is that we never got to test the media before we handed it in. Once it went into the sealed envelop we were not able to access it. It's in the hands of the film gods now.

The good news is we know the file worked as we have now watched it several times and LOVE IT. However that said, we'd like to see the final product we wanted to create make it to the "youtube" version. So, to that end, Kristen, Sara, and Jessica are going to continue to work on it and since we aren't even allowed to post it on you tube until the end of the week at the earliest, we will post the project that we wanted to do film instead of the one that we wound up with.

Thank you all again for all your efforts over the course of the last 48 hours. And most especially to the extraordinary effort and hours logged from Kristen, Colette, Sara, Jessica and Linda for whom 48 hours was really almost a straight 48 hours  -- combined, this team got as much sleep in the last 48 hours as a single human usually gets in one night. To them, the biggest round of applause and appreciation. And to all of you my thanks!

Hopefully we'll see you at the screening Tuesday night, if not, we hope you will love what we post on You Tube and we'll be looking for your comments when we do!

r

The Daily Debate

It's dark. It's 10 degrees outside.

When the alarm goes off at 5AM, my brain kicks into gear explaining to the rest of my body all the reasons why we should stay in bed and forget about the perfect 35 consecutive day streak I have getting up every morning and going to the gym.

Before I know it though, the covers are tossed back, legs are kicked over the side, and feet are on the floor.

Guys, my brain implores, think about how warm and cozy this bed is. Look at these soft, flannel sheets, feel the warmth of the heated mattress pad. The rest of my body is moving slowly but not listening to the pleadings of my brain.

Yesterday, I had yet another horrible sinus attack. I was in bed by 7 and my head is still killing me. But now, I seem to have reached for my workout clothes.

Guys, come on, give me a break. Just one day. It will be fine, maybe we'll go later when the Advil kicks in.

Now shoes are on. Pills are popped. Coffee cup is full. I'm ready to go. My brain takes one more shot at it.

Look guys, missing one day isn't going to kill us. Back, listen to me, your twinging. You know that's not a good sign. You could herniate a disk again. Calf and Shins, come on, I know you are with me, remember how much pain you have about 15 minutes into the walk. Let's give you poor guys a rest. Feet, listen, just stop and listen. You're hurting, I know you are. Let's just stop this silliness and go back to our nice, warm, bed. No one will ever know. No one will be the wiser. We can keep telling people you've had an unbroken attendance record, who the hell is going to know the difference?

And then I look up and I see that we are in the Y parking lot. It's 5:30am, the doors have just opened.

Oh, fine, might as well just get this over with. And so starts day number 36.

Everyone Needs a Cheering Section

Today, it was just me and a few other crazy people who trudged to the Y in the sleet and freezing rain at 5:30AM. It was really nice when I got the two thumbs up from Wally, my trainer, when I broke 50 crunches for the first time today. (When I first started at the Y, I could barely get to 10). But then as I was leaving, a very fit, very trim, elderly man, stepped out of the wellness center as I was grabbing for my coat coming off the track. I had seen him a few times when I was in the wellness room doing my resistance training but had never spoken to him.
"Leaving so soon?" he slyly smiled.
"Hey, I've been here since 5:30, where've you been?" I sarcastically retorted.
"In bed sleeping!"
"Probably a better use of your time on a day like today," I answered.
"Well," he said, "you're doing great!"
I was shocked, did he mean today? or in general? Had he taken notice of me before?
"Thanks," I said, "I'm not seeing any physical evidence of it, but I'll take your word for it."
Then he told me how there were those a lot worse off than I, which I had agreed and noted that I had seen them at the Walmart, which he found quite amusing. Then he repeated, with a smile as he walked toward the door, "You're doing just fine, I'll let you know if I think it's going otherwise."
"Thanks!" I yelled after him. It's nice to know someone's watching my back(side). Literally.

Filler Up, My Tank is Empty

Tomorrow starts month number two at the Y and this is the “make it or break it” for me. Was this just a flash in the pan or a lifetime commitment to being healthy? Last night on the way home from Brian's I stopped and picked up some extra workout clothes. Either these will sit in the corner mocking me for the rest of my life, or I will wear them out. Only time will tell.

So today, the new dietary recommendations came out. After reading through most of them, I have to say, GROW A PAIR USDA.

Brian and I have been doing a lot of reading on nutritional research and data. But the bottom line is this: The human body was not meant to be this sedentary or eat what we typically eat.

So let’s get down to basics. Food = Energy. It’s the fuel we use to drive our bodies, period. Over the course of the last 100 or so years, Americans have started using fewer and fewer calories during the course of the day. Let's not even go back through the millennia for a list of all the activities we are not doing (we are not hunting, gathering or foraging anymore let alone running for our lives periodically during the day). Just over the course of the last century, we’ve stopped walking to town, plowing the earth, churning butter, grinding flour, chopping wood just to name a few activities no longer on my daily chore list.

And since the invention of television and its evil cousin the computer, we mostly sit. Which is basically like leaving the pilot light on the stove, hardly any fuel usage at all. Additionally we are no longer living in cycles of feast and famine, so while I try to explain to my body it no longer needs to store all that energy in the form of fat in the event of a famine, it's not listening to me.

So many of us are going out and running around the streets or down in our basements or gyms pumping iron on ergonomic torture devices, but it’s just not the same. Our bodies are designed to be constantly in motion working and/or sleeping (not at the same time). And so most of us, those who are overweight and beyond and you know who you are, are taking in far more calories than our bodies need and/or want.

And it's not just how much we eat, but what we eat as well. There is plenty of evidence that the rise in Americans' collective weight coincided with the not only the invention of television and the proliferation of the automobile, but the farm friendly government subsidies that led to CORN being in almost everything you put in your mouth. The fact is the USDA is not going to come out and tell you to stop eating products with high fructose corn syrup in them. But you should run to your cabinets right now and purge everything in your house that has it as an ingredient, and then if you have time, watch King Corn. Now, look, I’m not a big believer in conspiracy theories. I do think Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. But lest you think that a powerful source cannot have information suppressed, drop me a line after you watch the Kennedy miniseries on the History Channel. I have now been high fructose corn syrup free for 3 months (thank you Ryan and Adria), but when Brian found the TruWhip at Whole Foods this weekend (fat free, all natural whipped topping with no high fructose corn syrup) it made my life complete.


Does anyone really have a clue how many calories you either A. need or B. are eating over the course of a day? I didn't. The recommended calorie intake for women my age is 10 - 12 calories per pound of your weight, per day depending on your activity level with 12 calories per pound being the marathon runner and 10 being the slug. I'm some where in between. And when you actually add up the calories of EVERYTHING you are putting in to your mouth, you cannot believe how quickly this calorie quota is filled. My first few days changing my eating habits, I was out of calories by noon. When I mentioned to Brian that it's not fair that he gets over twice the amount of calories in a day that I do, he pointed out that if I too wanted to weigh 240 pounds I was welcome to keep up with him. Touché.

Obviously I can pay someone like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig, or Nutrisystem to count the calories out for me, balance the calories intake properly, and tell me what to eat when, but why should? I'm a relatively smart person, with 2 computers, an iPad, and a smart phone at my disposal. Surely I can do this on my own. And I need to do it not just until I drop a few pounds but I need to maintain it forever. The reality is this is my calorie limit for life period. And well, it’s just depressing that's all. Because it just doesn't go very far.

Some people have sexual fantasies. I have food fantasies. I fantasized about a great breakfast I was going to make Brian to show him that we can have our fabulous diner breakfast for far fewer calories. The menu called for a western omelet, home fries, bacon and sausage, fresh fruit and toast. I set out to do the necessary modifications to fit into Brian’s 500 calories per meal food plan.

Ok, so the 3-egg omelet went down to two eggs. I used low fat cheddar. I didn’t use any fat to cook with just all natural, Trader Joes, zero calories, olive oil spray. I carefully picked out and weighed a tiny red-potato, which I chopped up and sautéed with a couple of tablespoons of onion and green pepper. I carefully checked the calories on the Morningstar farms breakfast patties and started to add up the calories all together to figure out how much fruit to slice up. And whoa! how many calories in a little tiny 4 oz red potato? Are you kidding me? Well right then and there, I realized that I had not only hit, but had exceed his limit. Bread, even at 45 calories per whole grain slice had to go back in the bag. Fruit remained in the drawer. And all I could think of was: if that very carefully prepared and counted meal was over 500 calories, how many calories must be in that breakfast when we order it from the greasy spoon diner down the street? I was shell shocked for the rest of the day. All day long I kept saying, “Can you imagine how many calories are in that [fill in the blank] meal we had at [fill in the blank] restaurant”

But the sad fact is that right now 1400 calories is my pathetic limit. And that's just to lose 1/2 to one pound per week. Once I get down to the weight I want to maintain, I can soar back up to about 1800 calories per day. I guess I’ll have to wait until then to reintroduce myself to pizza. Until then, I guess I'll just keep having my nightly pizza fantasies.